A Message To My Widow Friends
(And anyone else who is hurting)
Today I heard myself saying, “He is never coming back!” I just realized Dave is not coming back! It seems like such a silly statement! He went to Heaven 17 months ago and the stark reality that he is not coming back is just hitting me hard, very hard!
I knew the instant I found him on the ground in our back yard that he was gone from me. But the minutes, days, weeks and months since that dreadful moment have been purposely filled with driven busyness; intentionally avoiding as much pain as I could. Friends and family have thought that I am so strong, and there are moments that I would agree with them.
But, the truth is, I hurt so much! I am alone! For fifty years, through the good and the bad times, we were together. We loved each other so much…half of me is gone! The better half of me is gone.
And now, I have to find a new way to live. I am starting over alone. What am I to do? How am I to think? Where am I to be? Even with a move and a new home the memories of him flood my thoughts! There are good, wonderful memories – but because of the “rawness” of his death, those wonderful memories still only make me miss him more!
Each time I come into my home, the first and foremost thought that is blaring in my head and heart is “I am alone!” “He is never coming back to me in this earthly life.”
So – I have to start a new life. With the help of Miriam Neff, author of the book, “From One Widow to Another: Conversations on the New You”, I have developed three principles to build on.
- I will build on the foundational truth that God is Good. No matter what I am experiencing, I must stand firm on the belief that God is good!
- I must take care of myself as best as I can; physically, mentally, and spiritually.
- I must focus on loving, encouraging, and bringing comfort to those who are hurting.
How do I begin this journey? I know It will take a sincere desire and incredible discipline, none of which I have in my own strength! It will have to be only through God’s strength and power.
Where to I find that strength and power? By seeking HIM in HIS WORD!
“Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you.” ~ Psalm 9:10
“Anyone who will take the time to enter into an intimate relationship with God can see God do extraordinary things through his life.” ~ Henry Blackaby
As long as I have no choice but to make a new life, I choose to allow God to do extraordinary things in and through the new me.
How about you? Do you need to begin a new life? What will you do?
Dear Friend,
You message made an imprint on my heart. I have a couple of practical thoughts.
No matter how hard you try to be “normal, healed and etc…” it could be 5 years before the ache subsides. Practical thought #2 Don’t be so hard on yourself. Some days will be awful. It’s OK to just shut the world out and read a good book in your PJs, and cry if needed. Even Leaders grieve.
Practical thought # 3 Be happy, be humbled, be grateful. Why? Because so many, many people want what you had, pray for what you had, and wonder if they will ever know the love you experienced for so many years.
Be well beautiful woman of God.
PS:
I have been privileged to have the Lord as my husband for over 30 years now. My! the miracles I have seen! When I found myself alone, after fighting, I finally gave up and said, ” well then OK, you promised to be a husband to the widow and I expect You to honor Your Word.”( That was alittle sassy, but true.) He has never left my side. People marvel. I marvel at his provisions.
I look forward to all the happenings you will have. Please write them down. Thank you for touching my heart today.
Your Friend,
Marlene